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Thinking Back to Before – From Hell to Well

Breathe_People_r2Heading to DC this morning on the train for a couple of days and just thinking back to what it was like before before. I get to go to the White House today, to spend time celebrating with President and First Lady Obama on the opening of the African American History Museum. Far far away from the days before…

I got recovery from meth in DC 14 years ago on a day like this. It wasn’t special or average it was just the day a friend confronted me on the state of me – and I said yes to help. I stumbled into recovery tentatively + 12 Step meetings pretty twitchy, angry and sweaty. 

Plus I cried a lot. A LOT.
(it was the ugly cry)

It was tough sitting next to people at meetings, and many times, I would walk out soon after they started as being around other human beings was just too much for me to tolerate.

It has been a day at a time deal, and even though I did so much using and personal spiritual terrorism in DC, I’m heading there now with a really happy heart and head today. I will see many of the people who helped me tomorrow morning at a 12 Step meeting that was my home that first year.

My journey wasn’t direct through without burps. About thirty days off meth and alcohol, I started drinking again and wandered in and out of a life of recovery for many months before getting freedom from it all in February 2003. 

This piece just ran in PEOPLE a couple weeks ago and am happy to share it with my Facebook family here. 

After all these years, the guy most responsible for me getting help is still not in my life. The use, and abuse at my hands fractured that relationship and even though I made amends, that means I leave him alone today. He had enough of me to last a lifetime, another told me.

And so it goes. Life and a journey to spark of life and the very nature of what it means to be alive and thrive. That’s my journey today; all the while I work to stay in the moment and take good care of myself. 

xx, Brad

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